The intern architect documents his day, excited by the opportunity to turn misfortune into fodder:
7:50am The doors open, and the line floods in from several points, and there is disorder as the line becomes a crowd. I feel like I may have a chance at the front of the line, but this lasts for three minutes, the line re-forms exactly as it was outside the office. These are not strangers to this process; they are indoctrinated. The Dept. of Zoning has not asked these people to come early, they have done so out of necessity, and the response from Zoning has not been to change their protocol, but to open their doors and fill the list for the entire day before any other department even opens.
8:00am People who’ve signed in, go to the end of the line to sign up again under a different address.
8:05am The line is done, over a hundred addresses have signed up for the day. There is (1) plan reviewer at the counter. Every other office on the 9th floor is not yet open: landscape, business licenses, dept. of buildings, dept. of environment, zoning board of appeals, both cashiers, plan pick-up, driveways, EPP (easy permit process, which handles the permits for the Chicago Green Homes program). Sounds like a dream, wish the EPP was open. But you’d need a “Green” project to take advantage of the (advertised) speedy Zoning-free Green permit process. Guess what: this is a Chicago Green Homes project! EPP sent me to Zoning! They were frightened by the coach house (Chicago is deathly afraid of coach houses, banned in 1957 but still ubiquitous in most Chicago neighborhoods today). They couldn’t even get a special meeting arranged. Looks like the line is the end of the line.
8:30am All plan reviewers have arrived, the calling of the addresses has begun. The list is read to the packed waiting room that spills out into every other waiting room, packed even though most of the people who showed up early have gone to get coffee, or back to work, or to finish their morning jog. They’ll be back later in the day before their name gets called.
8:50am Tired of waiting. I check my spot on the list, the bottom of page 2 (of 5). He says it’ll be at least two hours.
9:00am Free internet and a really good bacon, egg, and cheese croissant and european coffee at the Corner Bakery Cafe. I don’t usually drink coffee. This is a treat.
11:00am They’re half-way through the 2nd sheet; there are 15 addresses before my own. Waiting room has thinned and I get a seat next to an outlet where I can work on the structural plans for a friend’s deck in Rogers Park, for which I do not plan to get a permit. Honestly, they couldn’t afford one. The city is wasting people’s money on waiting rooms. There are low murmurs of conversation, and an occasional address called out like a name in a doctor’s office. The room has a suction, pulling the energy right out of you. I’m feeling a bit woozy.
11:25am I’m startled from dozing, woken by a pregnant Ukrainian woman trying to stifle her laughter, uncontrollable from delirium, no doubt. No one pays attention, their bodies are heavy and saggy. This is how they get you, with the waiting. There is not one sharp mind in the crowd, not one who can demonstrate or aptly convey her willingness and desire “to protect and enhance the character of our residential neighborhoods and business industrial districts, to ensure high-quality, sustainable development, and to improve the quality of life for all our residents.”* But we want to, with vigor! Everyone here would love to enthusiastically demonstrate just how much her project complies with the City’s well-stated ordinances in the quest for this mutual goal. And if it doesn’t comply, how can she fix it?, please, we are reasonable individuals who can work together in harmony. Alas, we are not sharp and eager, we are sleepy, we have DOZ-ed off.
[…] 08/11/2009 at 10:55 am · Filed under Chicago Newspapers Something from the urban trenches, Chicago-style: […]